Peace...

It isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it. -Eleanor Roosevelt

(Looking out over the Bay as the ships go out in Mallorca, Spain; Oct. 2010)

Sprinkled throughout this post you will find random pictures. Well, maybe not too random to me. Each picture evokes some sort of peaceful feeling for me and peace is what I am desperately seeking right now.

(Catherine's wedding Aug. 14, 2010)

I have great hope for the New Year. Not that I know what is going to happen in the next 12 months, but hope that a fresh start is about to take place. The New Year is always special for Steve and I- it is our anniversary date. The first day of every January we get to pause, renew our vows to one another, and dream about the New Year to come. It is a pretty cool anniversary. Plus we always get the day off for our special day and we usually take full advantage of the holiday. This year we will be bringing in the New Year and celebrating our anniversary at a small bed and breakfast on the coast near Corpus Christi. I am looking forward to a peaceful stay. We have no big plans- lots of movies, reading, and walks along the beach. When we booked a couple weeks ago no one else had booked to stay for the weekend- I kinda hope we are the only guests- I love it when that happens.

(Steve is used book store on New England trip Oct. 2009)

This week has given me ample time to stop and reflect on the previous twelve months. I have had the week off from work and this break could not have come at a more needed time. In many ways this year has been richly blessed- good health, food in my tummy daily, deepening friendships, fun vacations, my sister's wedding, satisfying work, and I am sure the list could go on. But it has also had its hardships- big, unexpected changes at work, day to day worries and hurts (like we all have), and most recently, the death of my Granddad.

(Eating lunch in the Grand Canyon- March 2009)

I miss my grandfather a lot. I know I am in a time of grieving and most days I do pretty well, but every now and then something will come up and catch me by surprise. For example my Christmas cards. I got them out later than I wanted to this year due to being in Midland for an extended amount of time. When I got home from the funeral, I sat down that weekend to work on my half-done cards. Do you want to guess whose name came up first on my cards- my Granddad's. It was labeled and ready for a stamp. I crumbled into tears- so unexpected. I sat down this morning at my computer doing what I usually do on Wednesday mornings- checking email, eating breakfast while I check Google reader, balance my checkbook, and this is the time I usually write my Granddad his weekly letter. I felt kind of lost for a couple minutes. I am patient during this grieving process. I do not want to rush it and I feel totally healthy in my outlook, but it still does not make the process any less painful.

(Aug 2008- McKinney State Park in Austin)

I love my work. As in I get excited about going to work when I wake up in the morning. I like the people I work with and, for the most part, get along with everyone in my community there. For the last three years it has been a safe place for me and I have been totally spoiled with finding a job as good as I did straight out of graduate school. But like I have said before, there is a time for everything. Our clinical director (who I am extremely close to) resigned shortly after Thanksgiving. She is leaving for a private practice. Once her resignation was announced another therapist stepped down, which left me as the only full time therapist (plus a little over a dozen contract workers), and then our office manager announced her resignation. All this happened in 10 days. It was a lot to take in at once. When you have been use to something for a long time and then things change very suddenly, it can be unnerving.

(Fourth of July weekend at my parent's cabin in New Mexico, July 2008)

The changes at work have really taken a toll on me. Lots of big discussions started happening all at once and I found myself in a pretty unique position- I was being offered the interim clinical director position. After much prayer, tears, conversations with close friends and family, I decided to take on the role- which was announced the Wednesday after Thanksgiving. I now will be seeing clients (a lighter load), supervising interns, leading clinical meetings, managing the intake process, and helping therapists when issues arise with clients. Plus keeping up with my dating violence speaking schedule (which I love and would not give up for the world!) So my job description changed dramatically in under 10 days. Just when I was beginning to come up for air, my Granddad collapsed and then 3 days later passed away. Again, unnerving and by this point I felt like I have been hit by a Mac truck- twice.

(About to walk down the isle- Jan. 1, 2005- I love that I walked down barefoot)

It has been a hard month and a half. Six weeks I do not care to do over, hence the main reason I am in desperate need of peace and a New Year. I can't tell you how many times Steve and I have looked at each other over the last couple months and said 'really, this is way too much at one time.' These things mixed in with the day in day out stuff we already come in contact with just all came to head at once.

(The weekend we adopted Hope- Feb. 2008)

After we got home from burying my Granddad I told Steve I really do not feel like it is Christmas time, and on top of that I just wanted this month to come to an end. So this Christmas was different for me, it was a little less merry and in many ways I felt like it snuck up on me. As I was putting away our Christmas decorations Monday I got sad. Sad because I felt like I did not enjoy them and sad because I felt like I put them out and then took them down in the same week. Time just got away from me this year.

(First time to see the ocean in Galveston, Aug. 2007)

When I first started processing my feeling and sorting though the sadness last week, I felt guilty. Guilty I felt this way, guilty I did not have more Christmas cheer, guilty I was still grieving. A couple days before Christmas I told a couple friends over coffee I just wanted to sit down and have a good pout, a pout a 5 year old would have over not getting her way. And in some ways I did that. Steve has been a good listener over the last six weeks. He has let me say whatever I need to (no matter how silly) and just let it be. I appreciate that more then words could express.

(Colorado fishing trip with Steve's family, July 2005)

As much as I have been looking forward to this week, I was also a little skeptical about the week. What if I just threw a pity party for myself, what if I wasted the days away, what if I just did nothing all week? But none of that has been the case. The last three days have been healing for me. I have been able to sleep, which does the body a world of good. Read, which is therapy in itself for me. I have been able to be in my home and enjoy the quietness of a cozy place (like right now, I am listening to the rain fall on my roof as I type- heaven). Steve and I have been able to spend good, un-interrupted time together- complete with lots of cooking new recipes, a trip to Half Price Books, and finishing up the last couple episodes of The Sing Off. Neglected chores around the house have come together and I have been ENJOYING piddling around the house doing these chores (I find great comfort in organization). Needed time with God in prayer and quietness has been taking place- my neglected cup is starting to fill up again. Trips to the gym have taken place regularly and my body rejoices in the exercising. I have spent good time with friends over lunch and cheesecake- community for my soul. And most importantly, I have started to regroup my thinking and, instead of the pity party mentality, I have begun to channel energies into new possibilities for the New Year.

(Watching the sun set on our Caribbean cruise- May 2005)

I am ready for the New Year, I need the New Year, I long for the New Year. And yes I know bad things will still happen in 2011 and this upcoming year will have its fair share of new challenges, but I have hope. Hope of the freshness that comes from new things. Hope that my new position at work is going to stretch and grow me in amazing ways I can not begin to imagine right now, hope that my Granddad is dancing with Jesus, hope that friendships will continue to deepen and community will continue to strengthen. I have hope in a God who is good and dwells within me, and is currently using me for his kingdom work, even when I can not see it. I have hope.

And may your New Year be filled with hope and blessings. Here's to 2011...

Christmas 2010...

We had a great Christmas in Granbury with Steve's family. It was Steve and I's first Christmas in his parents new home- which was very nice, and what a full house we had. We got in around dinner time on Thursday. Friday morning we got to sleep in a bit then I drove into town to met my good friend/college roommate Lydia and met her precious son Griffin...

He is such a good baby. He just slept and eat and smiled while Lyd and I talked and caught up. It was great to spend time with her- I miss getting to see my college roommates. After we left I realized I did not get a picture of the two of us together- next time! The rest of Christmas Eve was dedicated to eating, sleeping, eating, reading, eating, playing games, and did I mention eating?! Steve and I made the meal on Christmas Eve- pulled pork tacos which was a big hit. We ended the night with Apples to Apples. There were no little kiddos at the house this year so Santa was not too hyped up, but that did not make Christmas day any less exciting...
Me and my coffee getting ready to open gifts Christmas morning. We started the gift opening around 9am- I love watching other people open gifts.
The Christmas spoils. There were 13 people there Christmas morning and we all got what we wanted and more. How blessed are we?!
Our traditional Christmas Day photo- right before gift opening.
Steve's mom got an iPad from Jim (Steve's dad)- it was a TOTALLY shock- as in she started to cry she was so surprised- it was a great moment:). The Sargent's go one by one around the circle opening gifts, that way everyone gets to see what each other got. The opening part took about 2 hours, then we all gathered in the kitchen and where an omelet bar awaited for everyone to create their own omelet.
After breakfast we lounged around the house the rest of the day snacking on yummy food, watching football, and napping. Above you will see Kelly with all the dogs. As you can see, everyone did there fare share of being lazy.
The snack bar. So many yummy dips and spreads and candy and cookies!
We had a big Christmas dinner around 7pm- a smoked brisket (which had been smoking since about 8am that day!), slow cooked sweet potatoes, green beans, stuffing, cucumber salad, and fresh bread. As you can see, no one went hungry over the weekend!
Christmas night was spent watching Cowboy football- which for me means reading. It was a great and RELAXING day. Sunday Steve, Kelly, and I got up early for our annual after Christmas Target trip. Steve and I always go to Target the day after Christmas and get Christmas stuff for next year at 50% off. We always get next year's Christmas cards plus a few extra goodies.
Our after church family picture. A couple of family members had already left by this time, but here are the majority of the people from the weekend.

We got home last night around 8pm. I have the week off from work (YES!!!), so I have been lounging around and getting things done around the house today. This morning I put up all the Christmas decorations. Here is a piece of trivia about me- I cannot stand Christmas decorations after Christmas. I want my tree up and my house de-Christmased as soon as possible. I love Christmas decorations, but only up until the 26th of December. So now you know something about me you did not know before.

Hope everyone had a fun and relaxing holiday- now bring on the New Year!

Christmas Card 2010...

Below you will find our 2010 Christmas card along with the picture we chose this year- one from our trip to Europe in October. I know some have already read this, but I thought I would share anyways. We will be with Steve's family this year for Christmas and then I get a WHOLE week off work. I love having time off and not having tons of plans to fill those days.

Merry Christmas!

“A mind, once stretched, has a difficult time going back to its original form,” or so goes the quote (given by Joe Maddon [google him]; no idea if it’s his own quote or not – oh well). As we reflect now on the nearly gone 2010, we both, perhaps, experienced the substance of this philosophical suggestion.

Starting another year off celebrating our 5^th anniv. (at a B&B in tiny Jasper, TX, where we saw Avatar at a miniscule, sticky floor, gum-on-the-seat infested theater) gave us ample reason to give thanks for where we’ve been and where we’re going. In February, we encountered our first vacation with both sets of parents at the same time (a complete blast up in the mountains of New Mexico skiing, eating, resting, seeing Camelot). In October, we took the mother of all trips over to Europe. How we enjoyed seeing the Roman Coliseum (Rome may not have been built in a day, but we sure did see it all in 8 hours), the excavated city of Pompeii (did you know there is a plague of dogs currently in Pompeii?), the stunning coastline of the Cinque Terre (we bought a house there), and the wonderful surprise of the Spanish island Mallorca (where the picture on the front was taken)! A complete gift to be able to experience what we did…

Steve continues his ministry with the Southwest Central Church here in Houston. Each year, we never know what to expect for our youth group, and this year was no different. We welcomed many new kids, said goodbye to a few, and shared life with these young people we grow to love more each day. Chelsie continues her work at Shield Bearer Counseling Centers – counseling in the truest sense of the word, speaking at schools/events all over Texas, etc. And yes, Hope still accompanies Chels to work most days.

We certainly experienced our share of life’s difficulties in 2010, most recently when Chelsie granddad died – a man dearly loved and sorely missed.

Yes, our minds undoubtedly stretched this year by what we saw, what we did, what we experienced – minds rendered unable to retain its 2009 form. And we’re just fine with that because we get to do this life together, accompanied by close friends, loving family, and a good God.

-Steve and Chelsie

Funnies...

Thought I would share a couple Christmas funnies this morning...

Hope you are having a jolly week!!!

Favorite Things Friday...

We are back. It has been a hard and long week. We were gone a total of 8 days. In many ways it seemed like forever and in other ways it went by very quickly. It was nice to be with my family for an extend amount of time. I am glad I got to be there and help plan the funeral. And I got to be a part of my Grandad's funeral service which was a complete honor. Now we are home trying to catch up on all the things I have been putting off for the last 2 weeks. It's amazing how unexpected events have a way of pushing all the non-urgent things aside, giving you a fresh perspective. Christmas does not even seem real for me right now. But time is doing what time does best right now- it is moving right along. And so we must move right along with it. Tonight we have a farewell party for one of my bosses at work, tomorrow night we have our youth Christmas party at our house, Sunday afternoon we have a tribute at Lifeline for our dear friend Dot, and Sunday night we have our small group party. I fluctuate between being at totally peace and feeling completely overwhelmed. It was completely over whelmed when I first got to work this morning, right now I have more peace.

So today for my favorite things I thought I would share favorite pictures from the last week:
Catherine and I. She was totally zonked out so Christin and I thought it would be funny to take pictures. I know Catherine is so proud I have posted this picture- love you, seester.....
My dog on Catherine's lap. Hope came with us this week. I was a little apprehensive about bringing her, but she was a total joy to have around the house. Everyone who came in my parent's house loved her and she was a trooper all week.
Our little family. Getting to have Steve with me during this week made all the difference. I love him more then words can describe...
And last I thought I would include this picture of my Grandad (in the orange) with his two brothers Ben and Billy John. After my Grandad passed away my great-aunt sent my family lots of pictures she had of my Grandad throughout the years. I love the emotion captured in this photo. This is how I like to remember him- with a smile on his face. I miss him...

Enjoy the weekend ahead of you...

Well Done Good and Faithful Servant...

(Granddad and Me looking at family photos May 2009)

Thursday Steve and I drove all day and made it to Midland around 6pm. We went straight to the hospital where my family was waiting on us and within 30 minutes my Granddad passed from this life to the next. I had the honor of holding his hand as he took his last breath. I can not nor am I going to try right now to put into words this experience. Mainly because I am tired and I need time to process, but this is a memory I will treasure forever. From my previous post you can see I was pretty close with this granddad. I am glad I now get to add December 9th my list of memories.

Now we are all in Midland planning and preparing for the funeral. The viewing is on Tuesday night at 6pm and the funeral is 10am at GCR in Midland. Then we are all traveling to Crosbyton, TX for the burial. He will be buried with my grandmother who passes away 10 1/2 years ago. I got to help pick this plot out when she passed away. It is nice and peaceful and right under a tree- good shade is always needed in West Texas!

The support and love that has been poured and is being poured over my family right now has been and continues to be amazing. My work and our church is being so supportive- which has made all the difference. It is good to be apart of a community that loves you so much. I hope to write more about the experience and my granddad when I get back, until then I will leave you with this picture and memory. Below you will see a picture of my granddad playing Apples to Apples with us at Christmas a couple years back. He was terrible at the game, but so funny to watch and play with. Good memory to have....

(Dick Fletcher, Christmas 2007, playing Apples to Apples)

There Is A Time For Everything...

(Me and my granddad- October 2007)

It has been a hard week, actually it has been a hard last several weeks, but this week has been especially hard. I have one grandparent still living, my dad's dad. That is him in the above picture. I love this man. I have countless memories in my life with him. In fact, my very first memory is with this granddad. He is holding me and I am in a blue dress with white ruffles and we are outside looking at airplanes as they fly over head. Growing up I use to go spend entire summers with him and my grandmother in Goodland, Kansas. In 2000, shortly after my grandmother passed away, he moved to Midland. Every Tuesday of my senior year of high school I would drive to his house and we would have lunch together. Just me and him and our turkey sandwiches. And in 2001 when I went away to college I wrote him a letter every week. In fact, I have written him a letter every week for the last 9 1/2 years. I think we have a pretty special relationship, a relationship I have enjoyed for over 27 years.

And tonight he is in the hospital, hooked up to countless tubes, not breathing on his own, and in very bad condition. Monday afternoon he collapsed and was without air for 15 minutes. As you can imagine, this has caused many problems with his heart and brain. He has been in a drug induced coma since Monday and every time they try to bring him out his body does not respond well. As of tonight, things do not look good for a full recovery.

So tonight Steve and I are packing our bags, canceling our weekend plans, rearranging work schedules, and we are heading to Midland first thing in the morning. And as I type these words I have tears streaming down my face. Tears of grief, tears of loss, tears of sadness, and a few tears of peace. Peace because I know this is not it and my granddad believes this is not it. He is a strong, faithful man of God and I find great peace and hope in this thought. I do not know what will happen over the next couple days, but I do know I get to have the honor of being there to support, to sit, to help, and most importantly, to love.

Your prayers are welcome during this time.

How The Grinch Stole Christmas...

Yesterday afternoon I got to do something I have been waiting months for- I took all my girls to see Dr Suess' 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas.' This is probably my favorite Christmas book- I can remember reading this book for as long as I can remember Christmases. After church we all pilled in cars, ate a yummy lunch at Boston Market and then headed downtown to the Hobby Center.

All my girls. The play was unbelievable creative and colorful. The costuming was spot on and the scenes could not have captured Dr. Suess better. I love seeing plays or movies where you can see your imagination from the book take life on stage. I think all the girls really liked it too.
And my partner in crime for the day- the guy who bravely accompanied 7 ladies for the afternoon. It was great having Steve there- I could not have done this by myself. Plus all the girls love him. He is so great with our youth.
And my surprise for the day. Above you will see Jenavene (Hester) Bazacas. She played one of the Whos in the ensemble. I have know her basically all her life. She has a bother my age and her parents are family friends- I have watched her grow up. She is an ACU grad and did wonderful things in the theater program there before moving to New York and making it on Broadway. She was one of the first girls I mentored in college- we was a camper of mine when I worked ACU camps. What a treat to get to see her in her first off Broadway! Plus all the girls got to meet her and she signed their programs- pretty cool.

It was a great afternoon. I love these girls...